It's these type of things

So lately I have been finding all of this cool stuff to do. And I like to make plans. This is when I wish I had a person to really share life with. Someone who would be down to go with maybe the only issue being scheduling and cash flow. But if O wanted to do something or if they wanted to do something we would enjoy doing it together, no question.

It's not that I need someone else to complete me it is just that it is enjoyable to have someone else around and do fun stuff with 

Because even right now I am at my fave coffee shop alone writing. And it is enjoyable but as we learned in Kindergarten it is important to share :)

Third wheel or the extra

It seems that is often my place. Me reaching out to others. Bringing them together or joining in on what they are doing. I am looking for a place to rest. A person to be connected to....a partner in crime. To be a permanent part of something and not feel as if I am in Limbo.

I know that I have that in Christ. That God loves me fully and completely. I rejoice in that. 

I guess I wonder what it means that I still desire more? Is it bad to want someone to share all my thoughts with? Someone who wants to explore God with me? Ask questions have discussions challenge each other? 

Sigh...........

If Jesus + nothing= everything

Why do I desire more?

Where is my contentment?

God is great

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea.

God you are so great and gracious. I don't want to be half hearted and casual. I want to know see hunger and thirst for the infinite joy you offer above everything. I want a life with and for you. One that speaks your name to others in a loving and encouraging way. 

Yet right now my heart is torn. It is half hearted for while I desire to be enveloped in your love I also look to the world. I see people around me in loving communities and families. I see people in healthy work environments living comfortable lives with incomes to spare. I see people with their children loving them playing with them helping them to grow into young men and woman. I must confess I desire all of these things. I desire to be loved and cared for, to be well off with out a financial burden with a beautiful loving and caring family raising children of my own. I have as of late been telling people I don't want kids but I think that is because of my age and my belief that I would be able to be both financially comfortable and have children. At the end of the day what I want most is to glorify God but I feel these things pulling at me as well. Are these ideas encouraging me towards Xhrist or pulling me away from the infinite joy God promises. Holy Spirit I beg of you to move in me, lead me. God I am dependent upon you, your wisdom, grace and mercy. You have always been my provider and so great I never can understand or imagine what you have planned. Lord I beg of you reveal the path to me. Encourage me in your ways. Shut doors that would lead me astray. I love you and want to be your good and faithful servant but I am just not sure which way to go. I fall at your mercy Lord. Lead me.